“Heiress Tottle” is a pen name I use as the fictional “author” of a long series of bite-size philosophic sayings and pop culture observations.

In fact, I am currently working on a book of Tottle’s proverbs and axioms which is a bit difficult to organize because they are so far ranging and address so many different topics and aspects of life.

I came up with the name Heiress Tottle in one of my binges of building quirky character names, such as Noah Vale, Fuller Baroni, Elroy Hubbub, Barry “The Hatchet,” and Jimmy “The Lock.”

But I found it especially appropriate since Benjamin Franklin (a hero of mine since I was 12) published his proverbs in Poor Richard’s Almanac. Of course, there was no Poor Richard. But even more so, his brother refused to let Franklin post anything in his own rival publication, so he sent in letters to the editor signed Silence Dogood.

Silence became quite popular to his brother’s readers, and his brother, I imagine, was rather mortified when he discovered the ruse.

And so, Heiress Tottle is the name I’ve chosen and fully intend to write a short biography of this great American intellectual in the prologue with a credit “Compiled by Melanie Anne Phillips” for myself.

What proverbs does Tottle offer? Such fare as:

Don’t take “know” for an answer

The squeakless grease gets the wheel

Is it possible
to write a Haiku so well
no one knows you have?

Over a period of about 30 years, I’ve composed hundreds of these, and truly hope the effort in creation, organization, and publishing is returned in vicarious adoration of my fictional author by the reading public, and ongoing proceeds from calendars and coffee mugs.