Wrote this two Christmases ago and it just keeps creeping out again every season:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kris Kringle’s Bones
by Melanie Anne Phillips<\/p>\n\n\n\n
(The night after the day after Christmas)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was out of my stash,
\nand beginning to jones,
\nto the God-awful jangle,
\nof Kris Kringle’s Bones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The children were hung,
\nby their necks until dead,
\nand the clues in the ooze,
\non my suit, were all red.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The fairies were flattened,
\nthe reindeer dismembered:
\nthe piled up heap of,
\ntheir corpses was embered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A great ghastly howl,
\nthen arose from the fire.
\nI guess I had left some alive
\nin the pyre.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When what to my two,
\nbloodshot orbs should appear,
\nbut a discarded joint,
\nhalf-submerged in a beer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I fished out the doobie,
\nand chugged down the brew,
\nthen danced like a newbie,
\nwith a half-done tattoo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I dried out the roach,
\nlike a microwave dinner,
\nlit up, took a toke,
\nand then wept like a sinner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“My God!” I implored,
in the true Christmas spirit,
“I am saved!” and I waved,
at the fire just to cheer it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then I noticed the children,
\nwere not on the hearth,
\nand the pyre was a pile of toys,
\ntopped by Darth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My suit was still stained,
\nbut the blotches of red,
\nwere just jostled Cab Sav,
\nthat had gone to my head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And all ’round the condo,
\nthere wasn’t a sound,
\nas I crept down the hall,
\nwith a leap and a bound.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I smiled as I faded,
\n‘twixt snorgles and moans,
\nat the absolute silence,
\nfrom Kris Kringle’s bones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
— and the weird part of writing this is that I don’t even smoke!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Wrote this two Christmases ago and it just keeps creeping out again every season: Kris Kringle’s Bones by Melanie Anne Phillips (The night after the day after Christmas) I was out of my stash, and beginning to jones, to the God-awful jangle, of Kris Kringle’s Bones. The children were hung, by their necks until dead, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[1,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-853","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-newest-additions","category-poetry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paauzo-dL","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/storymind.com\/melanie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/853","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/storymind.com\/melanie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/storymind.com\/melanie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storymind.com\/melanie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storymind.com\/melanie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=853"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/storymind.com\/melanie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/853\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":856,"href":"https:\/\/storymind.com\/melanie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/853\/revisions\/856"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/storymind.com\/melanie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=853"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storymind.com\/melanie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=853"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storymind.com\/melanie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=853"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}