A Curse

When the empty food storage container fell on the dirty floor I spoke to it in a measured tone above the seething sea of my rising anger: ” I hate you. I loathe you. (pause) You are an abscess on a pimple on the ass of a maggot.”

A good curse is worth documenting for reuse later.

My Grandfather Said “Arf!”

My grandfather said, “Arf!” He’d come around a corner, see you coming the other way and “Arf!” After while, this pre-kindergartener started saying it back – “Arf!” “Arf!” as a mutual greeting.

For decades I thought he was just mimicking a dog, and in fact, that interpretation of what he was doing led to a whole life of making animal sounds, weird sounds, character voices and impressions of celebrities.

But decades after he died I came across an old Popeye comic from theĀ 1930s in which Popeye exclaimed “Arf!” when he was surprised by something. In fact, Popeye said this all the time! I suddenly realized my grandfather had been quoting Popeye from his youth and not greeting me but exclaiming surprise at encountering someone charging around the corner at him.

Imagine, a whole life of making sounds based on a fortuitous but erroneous interpretation! I wonder how many of the foundational ways we feel about life and about people, upon which we build entire life-guiding narratives are actually based on misconceptions and/or misinterpretations, for better or worse?

The Beneath Attitudes

I visited the Attitude Pages today: the CNN attitude page, the Fox attitude page, as well as NPR and the BBC. Couldn’t find the news beneath the attitudes. So, after a few minutes, I gave up and remain spectacularly uniformed, though my ignorance is completely unbiased. I’ll try again next week.

B.S. Gives You Wings

When I was 3 or 4, I reached behind my back and felt a lump on either side that I was sure were wings sprouting. “Mommy, Mommy,” I exclaimed, “I’m growing wings!”

My mother saw what I was doing and said, “No, honey. Those are just your shoulder blades. They are bones in your back and when you reach behind, they pop up a little bit.”

“NO!!!,” I shouted defiantly, and ran back and forth across the front yard trying to fly.

Years later, I have come to believe that it as always been the well-intentioned disbelief of others that has robbed me of my dreams. And I have determined I must believe even more strongly if I am to make such things real before the window of opportunity is lost and the magic has run out of my world.

The Guillo Teens

From the hit streaming series, “The Guillo Teens”

“Marie Antoinette… The people have no voice.”

“Let them speak charades.”

Two Sides of the Same Christ

Won’t the church be surprised when they find out it was Jesus’ twin brother who emerged from the cave and the original is mummified in a museum in Egypt?